Thursday, October 11, 2012

When H met D

I will never forget the day I met my mother-in-law, though I no longer know the exact date it was a moment that will be forever engrained in my memory. B1 and I had been dating for only a few weeks when I met D aka Monster er Mother-in -law. I am now surprised at how normal the house looked for the woman who lives there is by far anything but normal. When we entered the house D was standing at the counter in her over-sized t-shirt and shorts, now you maybe thinking when dose the abnormal part come in?, well brace yourself my friend because here we go. D looks from me to her son B and back to me again "Who the hell are you?" she asks me. "My name is H I'm B's new girlfriend" I reply. "How old are you?" D said, "I'm 20" at this point I'm feeling like I'm in some kind of freaky police integration, and I'm thinking about making a break for it. Before I can make a run for the door I am surrounded in a hug and being smothered by D's GIANT, BRA-LESS boobs with her excitedly shouting "OH MY  GOD, I LOVE YOU!!". Now as someone who HATES  being touched by people I don't know (yes, I admit I have my issues to) this was of course extremely awkward for me and as I'm standing there being crushed in an embrace by a women whom I just meet I catch a glimpse of B laughing his ass off. I glare at B and quickly reply "um, okay thanks I guess" and step out of the reach of her and her bra-less man eating boobs. The police interrogation then continues as I am quizzed on all aspects of my life including what my favorite color is (green) and what my expectations for my and her sons relationship are at the time my reply was " I don't know we've only been dating a few weeks" (we have now been married almost 5 years   :) but that's another story). Finally B decides that I have been put threw enough questioning and tells D "well gotta go our movie starts in 10 minuets" I am invited back at any time with or without B and told to make sure I stop by soon so D can show off B's baby pictures. Only after one more boob smother/  hug am I allowed to flee to the safety of B's car. He gets in the drivers seat still laughing "well what do you think of my mom?" I'm at a loss of words for a moment until the word vomit starts including such sayings as "that was the weirdest thing to ever happen to me, are you sure your not adopted and the ever popular   why didn't you tell me your mom was a creeper?" This of course just makes B laugh even more with him replying " just wanted you to know what you were getting your self into". This was the start of the long love/ hate relationship I have with D my mother-in-law. Stay tuned their is much more craziness to follow.... <3 H.H.

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