Thursday, October 11, 2012

When H met D

I will never forget the day I met my mother-in-law, though I no longer know the exact date it was a moment that will be forever engrained in my memory. B1 and I had been dating for only a few weeks when I met D aka Monster er Mother-in -law. I am now surprised at how normal the house looked for the woman who lives there is by far anything but normal. When we entered the house D was standing at the counter in her over-sized t-shirt and shorts, now you maybe thinking when dose the abnormal part come in?, well brace yourself my friend because here we go. D looks from me to her son B and back to me again "Who the hell are you?" she asks me. "My name is H I'm B's new girlfriend" I reply. "How old are you?" D said, "I'm 20" at this point I'm feeling like I'm in some kind of freaky police integration, and I'm thinking about making a break for it. Before I can make a run for the door I am surrounded in a hug and being smothered by D's GIANT, BRA-LESS boobs with her excitedly shouting "OH MY  GOD, I LOVE YOU!!". Now as someone who HATES  being touched by people I don't know (yes, I admit I have my issues to) this was of course extremely awkward for me and as I'm standing there being crushed in an embrace by a women whom I just meet I catch a glimpse of B laughing his ass off. I glare at B and quickly reply "um, okay thanks I guess" and step out of the reach of her and her bra-less man eating boobs. The police interrogation then continues as I am quizzed on all aspects of my life including what my favorite color is (green) and what my expectations for my and her sons relationship are at the time my reply was " I don't know we've only been dating a few weeks" (we have now been married almost 5 years   :) but that's another story). Finally B decides that I have been put threw enough questioning and tells D "well gotta go our movie starts in 10 minuets" I am invited back at any time with or without B and told to make sure I stop by soon so D can show off B's baby pictures. Only after one more boob smother/  hug am I allowed to flee to the safety of B's car. He gets in the drivers seat still laughing "well what do you think of my mom?" I'm at a loss of words for a moment until the word vomit starts including such sayings as "that was the weirdest thing to ever happen to me, are you sure your not adopted and the ever popular   why didn't you tell me your mom was a creeper?" This of course just makes B laugh even more with him replying " just wanted you to know what you were getting your self into". This was the start of the long love/ hate relationship I have with D my mother-in-law. Stay tuned their is much more craziness to follow.... <3 H.H.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Thanksgiving Dinner

A couple of weeks ago, out of the middle of no where, my fiance announced that my mother-in-law (MIL) would be joining us for Thanksgiving.
What's the big deal? I wasn't really expecting to have a Thanksgiving meal at our apartment, but I can scrounge something to put together. I know! I'll get one of those banquet turkey dinner deals. It's not very original, but I'm not a gourmet cook (Seriously, my idea of a meal is milk and cereal). I'm sure my MIL will complain her way through it with her usual comments:
"I see you spent a long time on this boxed meal."
 "No wonder my son is so thin, if this is how you cook."
"The least you could have done is actually MAKE something."
"This is turkey is too hot/cold/spicy/bland/messy/mashed/smushed/clumpy/lump, and the mashed potatoes are too hot/cold/spicy/bland/messy/mashed/smushed/clumpy/lumpy"

Once again, okay. I've gone through meals like that before, and usually can laugh off her comments with some semi-catty comebacks. However, my fiance throws one more curveball into the mix.

"No, not our dinner, the dinner at your parents' house."

My reaction: "WHAT!?!?! NO. NO. NO!!!"
Him: "She doesn't have anyplace to go this year." Which is actually a lie. The story is that my (future) father-in-law is having surgery and will be in the hospital. For some unfathomable reason, my MIL decided that meant that she got to invite herself along to Thanksgiving dinner at her sons' in-laws. Not only would that mean a possibly awkward dinner (My parents are much more subdued than my fiance's parents. Seriously. I thought they were pretty out there growing up. NOPE! They are plain and quiet as can be, thank God). I also would have to sit through a (count it) 90 minute car ride. No thank you.

We'll have to see how this goes. Thanksgiving is quickly approaching.

(wish me luck) 

My (future) Mother-in-Law

I have this mother-in-law. . .
Okay, so she's not my mother-in-law yet, but she will be in 18 months, so it's really a technicality.
She's probably one of the sweetest ladies I know: She loves her kids... was a crossing guard... hangs out with old library ladies... stay-at-home mom while the kids were younger. You know, the good kind of person.
She's funny, caring, and is driving me ABSOLUTELY NUTS!!!
I don't think that she tries to be this way, at least, I hope that she doesn't. It just happens that she's freaking crazy. I don't think I can even explain how nuts she is, but that's what this blog is all about. Myself and my future sister-in-law (she's actually my fiance's brother's wife..once again, technicalities) are going to document our journey with her and hopefully we'll hear about what other people are dealing with also!